Rokha comes from rokna, to stop the search. It is the evening two families settle on the match and say so out loud, which makes it the first official milestone of the wedding journey in Punjabi families. It is also the first time a couple is blessed publicly as a couple, and the point where the two families stop being two sides. It belongs as much to our parents and grandparents as it does to us.

Gurvir’s family brings a chunni, a ceremonial scarf, often carried in on a decorated tray. An elder from his side, usually his mother or a sister, drapes it over Dilpreet’s head. The chunni is a sign of honor and protection, and draping it is how his family says she is welcomed and accepted as one of their own. Other gifts are offered along with sweets, a wish for a sweet beginning, and Dilpreet’s family offers Gurvir gifts and blessings in return, so both sides enter with equal respect.

Shagun means an auspicious token. It usually takes the form of sweets, small gifts, and envelopes of money offered with blessings, given by the elders of one side to the other as a sign of acceptance. It is a wish for good fortune, carrying blessings from both sides. The families present shagun; anyone who would like to join in is welcome to, but it is not expected, and no gift is needed to be part of the evening.

A ring exchange is optional in tradition, and some families save it for a separate engagement party. We are including ours, at 7:30, with everyone gathered close.

The shape of the evening is simple: welcome and greetings, a short blessing, the chunni, gifts and sweets, rings, then photos and dinner. Everyone is happy to explain anything you have questions about, so feel free to ask around.